1974
by deliquescence
Summary: 1974, and Sirius Black is the epitome of cool at Hogwarts. Everything is about image and he has trouble separating his reflection from his reality. The werewolf throws out all his balance. SiriusRemus SLASH.
1. lipstick traces

**A/N:** My second ever fanfic, so constructive reviews would be great.

**Disclaimer:** JK owns Sirius, remus, Hogwarts, etc. Various quotes belong to Oscar Wilde and Velvet goldmine, my inspiration for this piece.

If youre here, youre obviously not offended by men getting it on, and if you like men in eyeliner/ glam rock... go watch velvet goldmine... its an amazing film.

**1974: lipstick traces**

Sirius leaned in, closer to the mirror. Lips parted as he carefully outlined his slate grey eyes with soft black kohl and added just the tiniest touch of glitter to his lashes and smiled at himself, pleased with his reflection.

Everything with Sirius; from his chin length black hair, to his slow smiles and quick laughs, to his infamous reputation; _everything_ was about image.

He was the guy that all the boys in the school wanted to be. Even the older ones. He could see it in their eyes. So many of them sought to emulate his knowing swagger, his cocky arched eyebrow and his darkly glamorous look. Legions of aspiring glitterkids, and at fifteen, Sirius Black surpassed them all.

So secure in his persona he could have stepped onto any stage in London to become a space-age fucking superstar. If only he could play a guitar. That was only of secondary importance in the grand scheme of things though, right? Hogwarts was his world and if all the world was a stage and all those boys and girls were merely players, then Sirius Black certainly seemed to be playing to win.

The secret to becoming a star is knowing how to behave like one, and as his name suggested, set within his crystalline sphere of Hogwarts, Sirius was stellar. He pulled on his black boots over his tight trousers and stepped out of the Gryffindor common room into the hallway, idly noticing that class had just begun.

The last few girls running into their respective classrooms turned to look appreciatively at him from beneath lowered eyelashes or flash him an eager smile as he made his way to the dungeons. Striding purposefully, but with an easy feline grace that rebutted anyone who might think he _worried_ over being late, or anything at all, Sirius was elegance walking arm in arm with a lie.

Sliding into his seat at the back of the potion's class, Sirius made a point of slipping his hand up the front of Remus' top as he kissed him softly on the lips, achingly aware that every eye in the room was intent upon them, and not the lesson in hand and determined to put on a good show. It was, after all, 1974; and _everyone_ knew most people were bisexual.

As the reigning king of glam at Hogwarts, his reputation demanded that he be the embodiment of the free love ethic that had long outlasted the hippy values and lovebeads of the flower power set. If he wanted someone, Sirius went for it; no matter who they were, or who they were with. He would dare anything, seduce anyone and if he felt it would enhance his carefully constructed image, made sure that every person in the school knew about it, or preferably witnessed it firsthand. Shy, Sirius was not.

When he felt that it was time he had a relationship, so that the school would be able to speculate about more than just _who_ his next conquest would be; Remus John Lupin had seemed the perfect choice. Already close friends, Remus would understand what Sirius wanted from him. Only he and James were closer, and everyone knew of James' tormented, obsessive love for Lily Evans. Remus was not flashy and outrageous as he himself was, yet his quiet eyes held a trace of fire in their amber depths and he would wager there were more than a few girls who longed to know more about his enigmatic smiles and mysterious disappearances. He would do, to add intrigue to Sirius' reputation.

An enigma.

Remus certainly was that.

A faint blush still graced his pale cheeks from being kissed before so many avid eyes. The reserved boy did not like receiving so much attention. For all that they had been friends for years, Sirius had not known what response to expect when first he began to make his advances. After the initial surprise, he'd seen wariness framed in his friends gold-flecked eyes, regarding him with all the uneasy fixation of the stalked prey for a wolf.

He had been taken aback by the ferocity with which Remus had met his lips when first he leaned in to steal a kiss. Not that he'd let it show, of course, sitting back with a studied smile playing across his chiselled features; lazily raising one eyebrow and saying, 'wow…' but from the mirroring smile that was almost a smirk etched on his friends face, he guessed that the other boy had been able to tell only too well the discomfiture he was feeling.

Lupin always had been the one who saw too far beneath his polished façade.

And from the look in the eyes which now met his, the hunter had just become the hunted.

His reverie was broken only the fifth time old Slughorn asked him if he could explain the healing properties of the potion they were brewing, and he realised he had been staring intently at the side of Moony's neck for the last twenty minutes.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Late that night, long past the hour which everyone had gone to bed and the only sounds in the Gryffindor tower were of slow deep breaths from sleeping boys, Sirius lay awake, immobile in the dark of the night. He heard a rustle as moonlight cascaded in through the gap drawn in the bed's heavy fabric drapes, and saw a figure outlined in silhouette.

Silently, Remus padded onto the bed, and straddling Sirius one leg on either side of his friends still body, lowered himself slowly to look into his eyes. Sirius' hands were behind his head on the pillow and as he freed them to reach forward, Remus grasped each wrist and pinned them to the pillow above head. Though he may have appeared slight, appearances can be deceptive, and Remus was, after all, a werewolf. Sirius knew there was no way he could free himself. Not that he wanted to, of course.

'Moony…?' he asked softly, a curious smile on his face, 'What … are you doing? Why are you in my bed?' Remus was not generally given to any acts of peculiar rashness or demonstrance.

'I would have thought that was exceedingly obvious,' Remus whispered throatily, and Sirius could hear the low purr in his voice that was almost a growl, 'even to one who chooses to tax his brain as little as you do, Mr. Padfoot.'

Remus deftly bent his head to meet that of Sirius, pressing first softly, and then with more urgency as he saw to devour all that he could of the boy beneath him, their hair fanning out on the sheets in a crush of black and silver-gold. Sirius parted his lips unhesitantly for Remus' questing tongue which flicked inside his mouth with a delicate skill that still left Sirius gaspingly wondering where on earth he had learned to _kiss_ like that. When they finally broke apart they were each breathless and panting, mouths open and eyes unfocused. Sirius realised when Remus dropped his hands that his wrists had been clasped so tightly that his joints hurt, and he rubbed them wonderingly.

Since when had Remus been one to like it rough? He had thought there would be no question that _he_ would be the dominant one in this relationship. He was top dog in their friendship and in the school at large, no pun intended, and he wasn't sure what to make of this new Remus who seemed altogether too in tune with his animal instincts. Where was the quiet blushing boy he had set out to have for his own? He had him all off balance; pouncing on him in his own bed, neither of them wearing more than a pair of boxers and, and, then _ravaging_ his mouth like that. How could he keep his guard up here? Perfection is a mask that slides, reveals you to the world's cruel eyes and it was not a mask that he wanted to drop anytime soon, even for Moony. _Especially_ for Moony.

Remus stared down at him, his eyes hungrily surveying Sirius' prone form, chest still heaving and he slowly ran his tongue across his bottom lip, an action calculated to provoke a reaction. Almost as if he had planned it so. Sirius slid his arms around his friend and pushing them upwards across the warm skin of his back, pulled his body down towards him as they both collapsed against the bed. Entwining his legs with those of Remus, Sirius rolled them both over so that he lay against his chest and began to kiss him with a thoroughness that spoke of the weight of all his experience.

His expert tongue working to achieve the perfect balance of pressure and soft movement, and not too much, striving to create the illusion of what he thought he should be as his hands roamed Remus' smooth body and tangled in his hair. He knew he was good. The satisfaction of very many of the girls not only in their year, but throughout the school, and one of the younger teachers as well, attested to that. Damn but it was hard to maintain control of himself with Moony though. Sirius lifted his mouth from the other boy's face and looking into his eyes, smiled his languorous half-smile; eyes heavy lidded, and even at night, kohl black lines smudged sexily beneath their rims. It was a look that should have driven any lover of his wild.

Remus, however, grinned back up at him, and lazily extending a delicate hand with black nail polish more chipped than Sirius would ever allow his own to be, reached to scratch him behind the ears, right where his favourite spot was when in canine form. 'That's not what I want you for, Sirius' he softly intoned, voice husky with the memory of kisses

'I …. I don't understand…' Sirius faltered. 'This is what you came to me for isn't it? This is what we have…'

It wasn't often that Sirius was at a loss for an easy answer.

'Not like that,' Remus smiled one of those mysterious smiles of his that had the girls all wondering what he knew that they didn't, and keeping his warm eyes fixed on Sirius' own stormy grey ones, ran his tongue down the side of his neck, and gently down his body, planting soft kisses all over, all over. Sirius was held transfixed. When he stopped to flick his tongue playfully at Sirius' nipple and was rewarded with a soft moan he sucked harder, watching the taller boy writhe beneath his touch.

Remus left off his attentions to the boy's chest to sit up and stretch, running one hand through his tawny hair and the other down his own chest. Sirius gazed up, eyes locked in fascination and feeling a near uncontrollable urge to push the boy down and smother him in butterfly kisses as he realized that Remus had intended him to think just that. What was going on? Did Remus really want to be here or was he just seeking to toy with the most sought-after boy in Hogwarts? They were here in bed for merlin's sake! There was not a single other person around to see them, and he was, he was… downright posing! Scoring points. Trying to make him wild with desire by a few well chosen tricks….. just like….

'I didn't think you'd be one to play these kind of games, Lupin' he said confused by the change that had come over his straightforward friend, since first he had set out to claim him. Together they were the epitome of cool, it was written in all the jealous eyes, but tonight, even with the added bonus of the werewolf's lithe body and accomplished mouth, he would almost wish that he had never started any of this.

'Well, _I_ thought this was _exactly _the game we were playing with each other, Sirius.' Remus said plaintively, allowing a little bit of a pout to flit across his lips. 'You just played me your patented smouldering half-smile. Do you think that I don't know you better than that? I was there when you and James used to practice your sexy glances in the mirror… I've seen you use it on every girl you've ever been with, at the point you think it will create the greatest effect…. It doesn't mean anything, Padfoot. You could be looking at anybody; anything; and still fill your eyes with that avid lust. Just to ensure that they want you' He paused. 'Two can play at that game. And I am just a game to you, aren't I? another conquest.' He quirked his eyebrow questioningly, then shook his head with a wry grin, hair falling into his eyes.

'I … I don't know what you want from me.' Sirius said, and softly stroked his lover's cheek. 'I'm with you. It's you I want. Moony?'

Remus sighed softly, and met the other boys lips, but he did not look into his eyes again.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Like it? Go read my other current story, a Ginny/Sirius fic set summer of ootp.


	2. Diamond Meadows

**A/N:** As I warned, there is poetry in here, from each of their viewpoints. There is story too, and no, its not finished yet. I have a few directions I might take this in. Problem with having it based on something is after writing this, I started actually looking up velvet goldmine quotes, and each line and each songtitle off the soundtrack gives me a new idea for a bit of story. There will possibly be a full moon, more slash, lots of angst, the other marauders, more angst, more slash and something surreal with mirrors.

Thankyou everyone who reviewed chapter one, very encouraging, I'm glad to see I'm not the only vg fan; he would look hot in that outfit; I am continuing; I'm just as confused as you all in all likelihood, possibly more so because I can see several directions in which I'm going with this at the same time; jennythe spam, rambling is welcome. Thanks!

**Disclaimer:** JK owns Sirius, Remus, Hogwarts, etc. Various quotes belong to Oscar Wilde, André Dubus and Velvet goldmine; my inspiration for this piece.

**Diamond meadows**

Many hours later, Sirius lay back against the bed thinking about what had been said and watching Moony's sleeping form.

Beautiful.

What did he want from him? Why couldn't he just be happy with things the way they were. Sirius knew him well enough to know that he was not. He could see it in his eyes even when his eyes were hidden from view. Moony's emotions emanated from his skin in some feral and near tangible aura. For all that he was quiet and reserved, in many ways Remus lived his life in the open far more than he. Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people, and Remus held back because his head told told him he must. That his secrets must be held close, and no one must see who, what, he really was.

Some days Sirius could not believe how different they could be.

Others he marveled at how they could be so alike.

--------

And if I need to hide?  
maybe I need to hide  
even here  
holding you in my arms  
lying back  
safe  
against the curve of your body  
feeling the soft beat  
of your heart  
against my hand  
the soft rise and fall of your chest

even though this is just what I've needed  
what I've been missing  
what if you are the answer  
to a question I don't know how to ask

watching your lashes  
thick against your cheek  
meaningless

feeling your breath  
blowing soft against my arching neck  
makes me sigh  
not for what it is  
but for what it should be

this night speaks eloquently  
wordless  
of acceptance,  
knowledge;

love,  
and all those things  
for which I had no need

but it seems to me

in a way I just can't explain

that I am my reflection

only there

for others to see

how can I cast aside perfection

for you?

Even for you

What have you done to my reality?

Meaning is not in things

But between them

And between us, lying here

There lies

A lie

perfection is a lie  
a role we seek to hide  
to mask the bitterness inside  
and frame the anguish in our eyes  
with kohl black rims  
until we cry

perfection is a joke  
it seeks to tempt us with false hopes  
that we can be that

strange and subtle ghost

it laughs  
each time we try  
to fool ourselves  
into this guise

but so far I am wearing it so very well

In the mirror

I see everything

I ever dreamed of being

And in your eyes

I see

What it scares me

That I am

perfection is a mask that slides  
reveals us to the worlds cruel eyes  
the jokes on us;  
we are the lie.  
this jokes on me  
and so I lie

endless  
wordless  
and ineloquent

I can't let you make this end.

-------

He sighed, stroking the werewolf's soft honey coloured hair, and pale skin.

He whispered,

'The world is changed because you are made of ivory and gold. The curves of your lips rewrite history.'

-------------------------------

When Remus awoke, he was alone. He could feel the cold draught of air against his naked skin, the covers thrust back from his splayed body. He breathed in, deeply, sighing at the scent of Sirius on the pillows, the sheets, in his hair, against his skin. His presence all pervading – it was inebriating, even though the main event had already left, without even stirring his own light and fitful sleep.

Consideration? Or just a desire to leave?

He rolled over, lifting up the drapes to reveal a small bedside table. A miniature clock sat atop it, it fine hands proclaiming it to be, 'still enough time for a quick doze', but Sirius had never been one for lingering in bed – not unless he'd had a few firewhiskeys more than was healthy the previous night, in any case.

Remus knew exactly where to find his vain friend at this time of day. Sirius' legendary morning beauty routine could not have been a ritual performed with more dedication and pomp, were it to take place as an act of worship in any shrine in the land. They all heard his flippant comments as he bowed before the mirror, 'Good morning, Beautiful….. still looking good.', he would greet his reflection. And his bright grin would flash as he blew himself a tender kiss. But as he bent forward to apply his eyeliner with a slick expertise, Remus caught the look of steely determination in his friend's mirrored eyes.

Sirius was all about image, and to him his image was entirely serious; that tired pun intentional for once.

That glamorous, outrageous, supremely confident image was so entirely Sirius that half the school had fallen in love with him; with the _idea_ of him. Just a shadow, an insincere reflection of a person – but lit so brightly, like his namesake in the firmament, that no one thought to even try and see what lay behind it. And of the other half, mostly looked at him with thinly veiled desire or envy in their watching eyes.

Sirius Black lapped it up like an ever-so-sleek-and-elegant cat with a dish of dairy cream. Admiration was the air he breathed and the fire in his heart, the reason that he lived. And the only one who ever saw this was the one who saw the part of him that didn't want to live at all.

Remus was as captivated by the vision, the _legend_, of Sirius Black as everyone else was, but he didn't lose himself in the dream because of one very simple thing. Remus Lupin had seen; in small glimpses, hidden moments and subtle ways; the sweetness and the passion and the strength of the Sirius who lay _behind _all that. The _image_ was wonderful, but it could never be enough for the one who had fallen irrevocably, irretrievably in love with the _real _thing.

Remus could not be satisfied with less than what he wanted with all his heart.

Sirius.

--------

Shining lips like candied blood  
a sudden subtle smile  
that twists the knowing edge of mouth  
into a curved grin, a smirk, a sneer?  
what are you laughing at, crimson lips?  
do I see a hint of ivory  
the tip of your pink tongue?  
such playfulness, such glee  
cheeky smile. public smile.  
do you see something beautiful in life.  
in this drearisome world  
and hence reflect beauty back out?  
bestowed like a precious gift  
jewel of a smile. A smile that lies.

Do you smile for me?

Slowly you contort your carved features

Into a vision

Of what I long to see

And I am powerless before

Your burning look

Intoxicated by the night, your eyes;

The hot copper blood

And molten chocolate that I taste

On your perfect, painted lips

Your scent

Fills me with a feeling

That I am lost to explain

Though I would howl it to you

Endlessly

By moonlight in the dark

A magic all your own

I am lost to your charms

the fire in my blood

the thrill

of the chase

this game we play

endlessly you toy with me

smiling through the looking glass

shining kohl rimmed eyes  
sparkle dancing in soft light  
that cheeky glint of...what?  
daring. danger. straight desire?  
thick, dark lashes blink,  
break that studied gaze, then look out wide eyed  
as lips purse in a parody of prim

never proper.

truth will never mar your beauty  
a painted veneer to overlay  
what lies within.

Those dark eyes smile

And I can never trust

That what I long to mean you love

Is truly even lust.

----------------------------

I know, it's not very long and nothing happened, but I thought I'd post this now. My last exam today so I will carry on writing more - once I finish partying of course.

If anyone's interested, the poems are adapted from some I wrote a while back, ineloquent and smile, which can be found at www.invisibletears. spaces in the poems are not all intentional - it wants to space out all the new bits every time i press return - gah.


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